Every ministry has people who are easy to love and difficult to lead.

They're friendly. They're committed. They genuinely care about the mission. People like working with them.

There's just one problem.

They're not doing their job.

Maybe it's the staff member who consistently misses deadlines. The ministry director whose programs are disorganized. The employee who needs constant reminders to accomplish things that should already be happening.

You know there's a problem. Your team knows there's a problem. There's a good chance the employee knows there's a problem.

But nobody wants to have the conversation.

Especially you.

When being nice becomes a leadership problem

One of the hardest lessons I've learned in leadership is that being a nice person and being effective in a particular position are two different things.

We tend to confuse the two in ministry.

We tell ourselves that someone has a good heart. That they're trying. That they've served faithfully for years. That we need to extend grace.

And sometimes all of those things are true.

But none of them changes the responsibilities of the position.

Meanwhile, other staff members quietly pick up the slack. Deadlines get missed. Quality suffers. Frustration builds.

Eventually, your unwillingness to confront one person becomes unfair to everyone else.

That's not kindness. That's avoidance dressed up as compassion.

The conversation you need to have

A good performance conversation doesn't require you to be harsh. It requires you to be clear.

Here's how I would begin:

"I want to talk with you about something important. I appreciate you and the contributions you've made here, but there are some expectations for your role that aren't being met.

Specifically, [describe the issue and provide examples]. We've talked about some of these concerns before, and I haven't seen the improvement we need.

I want to understand what's getting in the way and what support might help. But I also need to be clear that these expectations have to be met. Let's work through what needs to change and establish a timeline."

Notice what's missing.

There's no character assassination. No dramatic speech. No attempt to make the person feel terrible.

But there's also no ambiguity about the problem.

What happens when they push back?

They might say, "I'm doing the best I can."

Your response?

"I appreciate the effort you're making. But we also have to evaluate whether the responsibilities of the position are being fulfilled. Let's talk about what's preventing that from happening."

Or perhaps they say, "I didn't realize this was such a big problem."

That's an opportunity to own your part.

"I may not have communicated the seriousness of this clearly enough before. I'm being clear now because I want us to address it successfully."

Then move toward concrete expectations.

What needs to improve? By when? What support is available? When will you meet again?

Document the commitments and follow through.

The cost of waiting

Here's what leaders sometimes forget: the conversation doesn't become easier simply because we postpone it.

Usually, it becomes more complicated.

More frustration. More resentment. More damage to the team. And potentially a much more painful outcome for the employee.

You don't serve people well by allowing them to believe everything is fine when it isn't.

Clarity is one of the most practical forms of kindness a leader can offer.

Your challenge this week

Think about someone whose performance you've been reluctant to address.

Are you protecting that person, or are you protecting yourself from an uncomfortable conversation?

If the conversation needs to happen, put it on your calendar.

And when you have it, be clear, be respectful, and be willing to follow through.

Bryan Blackford

This is the first installment of Conversations Courageous Leaders Have, a ten-part series on the difficult conversations ministry leaders must navigate. Each installment includes a practical conversation guide. You can download the guide below.

​Download the When Someone Isn't Doing Their Job Guide​